RECOVERY IS NOT A FIGHT
After 12+ years of ‘fighting’ I could see that thinking of recovery as a battle was not working and it was not helpful.
Recovering from anorexia I always felt I needed to ‘fight’, but fighting requires a level of energy that just cannot be sustained. If recovery is something we want in permanence then we have to find a different way. Fighting is how we got here: fighting our minds, our bodies; pushing to eat less and work more; by too high expectations, by perfectionism, and the belief I am not enough. Fighting is struggle, it is hard. And as a result we do all we can to keep ourselves safe. We put up barriers and wear armour. We separate ourselves from the world. We stop being vulnerable. And in doing so are unable to be excited / happy / love / try new things / live in the real world. Which are precisely all the things we need to recover.
And so actually maybe it would be more helpful to reframe recovery using the words of Brene Brown: it is about showing up and letting yourself be seen. Exactly as you are. Not fighting. Instead it is surrendering. To our bodies, to happiness, to life. It is letting go. Falling in. Trusting.